The process is not linear. The process will not be understood by your monkey mind (which undoubtedly will want to dictate the process and will fail miserably).
Let's just say expectations don't always match reality.
"Pain is a great teacher, but light is a greater one." - Magldala Ramirez, Ancient Wisdom of the Feminine podcast.
So much mental energy thinking about it and really, what for? I got a coffee out of the deal. I got a crazy-eyed photo out of the deal. I'm good with the law. What was the problem here?
In the here and now I reckon with the fact that I drank too many margaritas with my husband on date night (ok and ate too many chips and salsa too) and saw my weight loss successes diminish. (OUCH.) In the here and now I see that it was easier to blame my husband for the morning's snafu trying to get our daughter out the door rather than facing the hard reality that she simply struggles with separation anxiety and it is what it whether I like it or not!
"The night comes and we give ourselves permission to dissolve into the rest of darkness. We let go of all the valleys and rivers we wish to cross and our dreams for some distant future." -Sarah Blondin, Live Awake. Tonight I stretched out on the living room couch in the dark, earbuds in my ears… Continue reading Bathed in moonlight
I am supposed to be working. And if I am not working, I should at least be finishing the job application that I keep procrastinating on. And if I am not working on my resume, I should be doing anything other than staring at the sight of three huge, frosted cupcakes at the table next… Continue reading Self-Control
Friends, solstice is upon us. Tomorrow. That is right, the days of winter darkness shift toward the light. I don't want to speak for y'all but damn, it is time for the dark days of 2016 to exit the building. The church I attend had a lovely solstice celebration this past Sunday. We toasted "wasail" (apple juice)… Continue reading Gratitude (kind of) for the darkness
Which meltdown do I begin with? Me yesterday frantically trying to find my daughter's Halloween costume (the one I purposely bought early since I knew I would be busy traveling for work) only to lose it and despair over the fact? Or the blueberry smoothie that spilled over half the living room rug and had… Continue reading A Lesson in Lightening Up, Letting Go
I was going to write about grief but even I am tired of writing about grief. I know, you probably didn't think it was possible. I gotta say you all are pretty awesome for hanging with me. I often astound myself by how much I can write about it. (I mean hello it is why I started… Continue reading I’ve officially tired of writing about grief. P.s. Caillou has FAILED me.