humor, inner-work, loss

My How You’ve Grown!

The other day Facebook popped up a photo for me to share from three years ago. The photo was taken two months before my mom died.

Look at this baby! I thought. Oh, and my toddler has grown a lot in the meantime too.

I look at this younger, much more innocent version of myself and think, honey, hold on. You have a wild ride ahead of you.

A wild-ride indeed. I’ve grown up. While the hard-fought life lessons may have come from circumstances I would never have asked for, I am grateful for where I have arrived. Grief cracked open my heart. (And gave me gray hairs, but that is beside the point.)

I feel like I’m coming into my own and damn does it feel good. I’m almost forty and I couldn’t be happier. It is like when I approached thirty–I was ready to say good riddance to my twenties. Well, same now.

I feel like I am in my prime. 

Oh, how my twenty-two year old self would have laughed at that!

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Twenty-year-old-self to Forty-Year-old-self.

Not surprisingly, standing in these nearly-over-the-hill shoes brings new perspective. I realized the other day that I am only five years younger than my mom was when she was diagnosed with the big C.

Womp, womp. Way to burst the happy bubble right?

Realizing this  has given me even more gratitude AND made me appreciate my mom in new ways. I remember her at that age and she seemed so…WISE. Grounded. She knew who she was.

And damn, she had a fantastic wardrobe. I know that sounds funny but the woman set the bar HIGH. It is seriously time to up my game.

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I would write more but my three-year-old is plucking leaves off a succulent plant. My husband is trying to convince her to ride her tricycle but now she has decided to roll the giant watermelon we bought yesterday. That would be my clue to wrap things up.

Life is good. But I also have a feeling when I’m staring down fifty, I will laugh and think, oh my little Sarah, how you have GROWN!

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Image source.

 

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5 thoughts on “My How You’ve Grown!”

  1. Sometimes I talk to people and find the parallels are almost frightening. As if something were standing back there whispering “Go talk to this person. Go. Now.”

    I’m ten years off your pattern: My mom was 48 when her lung cancer was diagnosed. I’m 48 this year. I’m thinking a lot about her these days.

    I also have been recently having a conversation with someone more or less about the astrology of middle age. There’s a lot of things that start getting busy astrologically, especially among the outer planets; I’m in the midst of a Jupiter return, and because of other situations in my chart, I’m feeling it a lot more than I did my Saturn return, which is usually an enormous wallop for people. I think fifty is going to be huge for me where becoming who I am is concerned. Hey, remember thinking you’d know that the second you turned 18? *laugh*

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think that is one of my favorite reasons for blogging – I seem to encounter just the right person at just the right time. The synchronicity is amazing! Thanks for your comment and sharing about the astrology of middle age. I have not heard that before but it makes a lot of sense. It sounds like fifty will be huge for you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s already shaping up to be. The enormous amount of change, and the amazing gentleness of it all given how change usually happens for me, is astonishing to me.

    Liked by 1 person

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